The Federal Government Knows Nothing About Running A Business

The nerve of these government loons demanding that we great leaders of industry and business account for every penny we spend. This will just cause business to be as inefficient as they themselves have been to those they are suppose to be representing.

All these government phonies are doing is paving the groundwork to justify creating more government positions for civil servant jobs with vague oversight scope. These positions then create situations in order to justify their existence as a needed expense to the tax payer supported budgets.

Sometimes you can't hide your ineptness
CD

Today's Stock Market Recap

Simple law of physics and nature are in play. What goes up must come down.

CD
Sometimes never comes.

The Economic Intersection of One Point

As I approach the intersection of the abyss that has now parked directly in the center of my cerebral hemorrhage and Wall Street, it becomes apparent that the rich elite CEOs, such as myself, and their executive associates, are now transparent and correct. Having managed to successfully get The Government to invest in our companies is good for America and keeps the symbolic investigations focused on just a few scapegoats and away from the true transgressors that the minion masses so gleefully elect to impersonate our representation in the senate and congress. I wonder if Barney turns his cheek and coughs...

CD
Sometimes group think works with social engineering.

Silly Hysteria

Such non-leadership at the helm. Perhaps heed should be given to sage and wise advice. If it aint broke dont fix it. When you announce something is broken that really isn't (kind of like crying wolf), then start demonstrating all your focus and might that there is a problem when there isn't, the audience tends to get a pack mentality. In this case it is the dreaded market psyche of doom and gloom. This market adjustment has been due for quite some time. Dont panic, drink! Where is this American bravado in times of peril that legends are made of? Is there not anything other than mice amongst our elected officials? I think I will go out and by a pet mouse. I will name him Barney.

CD
Sometimes things should just be left alone. Stop the anti capitalist movement.

Federal Investigations

My dear low level non-essential employees or employees to be, federal investigations are simply undertaken to appease the masses, so they feel warm and fuzzy that something is being done about the issue, so as to avoid or keep the investigators from being identified as the real culprits of transgressions and or criminal activity, and to provide them a safe haven and path to keep their positions of power. Poor Barney. They certainly Pelosi'd things into a fine mess.

CD
Sometimes Barney is larger and more than a purple dinosaur.

A CEOs Perfect Storm

I have to confess. It is of shear folly and delight for CEOs such as myself that the current situation, and the trying times to come, have distracted the minions to boo and hiss at their elected officials who will take that battering in lieu of holding the status quo so that CEOs, rich and cunning CEOs like me, can take full advantage of the $700 billion deal that will line the pockets of my own, my corporation, and these fine elected officials who care so much for the crying have not masses. Oh the joy of capitalist treachery!!! Obama will get richer, McCain will get richer, Biden will get richer, Palin will get richer, all of congress and senate will get richer, and more lucrative jobs for the non-subjective media will get created as the incumbent media reporters feign their disdain at what the greed is doing to the common folk while they themselves make even more millions.

CD
Sometimes capitalists are needed when they are hated most.

Anonymous Says Greed Will Kill

Since comments are not prominently displayed CD has decided that the following post by Anonymous should be posted front and center. Perhaps the lower echelon is learning too much for their own good.

CD
Sometimes anti-depressants do not help

By Anonymous September 30.
Anonymous said...
Don’t believe one optimistic word from any public figure about the economy or humanity in general. They are all part of the problem. Its like a game of Monopoly. In America, the richest 1% now hold ALMOST 1/2 OF ALL UNITED STATES WEALTH. Unlike ‘lesser’ estimates, this includes all stocks, bonds, cash, offshore accounts, and material assets held by America’s richest 1%. Even that filthy pig Oprah acknowledged that it was at about 50% in 2006. Naturally, she put her own ‘humanitarian’ spin on it. Calling attention to her own ‘good will’. WHAT A DISGUSTING HYPOCRITE SLOB. THE RICHEST ONE PERCENT HAVE LITERALLY MADE WORLD PROSPERITY ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE. Don’t fall for any of their ‘humanitarian’ CRAP. ITS A SHAM. THESE PEOPLE ARE CAUSING THE SAME PROBLEMS THEY PRETEND TO CARE ABOUT. Ask any professor of economics. Money does not grow on trees. The government can’t just print up more on a whim. At any given time, there is a relative limit to the wealth within ANY economy of ANY size. So when too much wealth accumulates at the top, the middle class slip further into debt and the lower class further into poverty. A similar rule applies worldwide. The world’s richest 1% now own over 40% of ALL WORLD WEALTH. This is EVEN AFTER you account for all of this ‘good will’ ‘humanitarian’ BS from celebrities and executives. ITS A SHAM. As they get richer and richer, less wealth is left circulating beneath them. This is the single greatest underlying cause for the current US recession. The middle class can no longer afford to sustain their share of the economy. Their wealth has been gradually transferred to the richest 1%. One way or another, we suffer because of their incredible greed. We are talking about TRILLIONS of dollars which have been transferred FROM US TO THEM. All over a period of about 27 years. Thats Reaganomics for you. The wealth does not ‘trickle down’ as we were told it would. It just accumulates at the top. Shrinking the middle class and expanding the lower class. Causing a domino effect of socio-economic problems. But the rich will never stop. They just keep getting richer. Leaving even less of the pie for the other 99% of us to share. At the same time, they throw back a few tax deductible crumbs and call themselves ‘humanitarians’. Cashing in on the PR and getting even richer the following year. IT CAN’T WORK THIS WAY. Their bogus efforts to make the world a better place can not possibly succeed. Any 'humanitarian' progress made in one area will be lost in another. EVERY SINGLE TIME. IT ABSOLUTELY CAN NOT WORK THIS WAY. This is going to end just like a game of Monopoly. The current US recession will drag on for years and lead into the worst US depression of all time. The richest 1% will live like royalty while the rest of us fight over jobs, food, and gasoline. So don’t fall for any of this PR CRAP from Hollywood, Pro Sports, and Wall Street PIGS. ITS A SHAM. Remember: They are filthy rich EVEN AFTER their tax deductible contributions. Greedy pigs. Now, we are headed for the worst economic and cultural crisis of all time. Crime, poverty, and suicide will skyrocket. SEND A “THANK YOU” NOTE TO YOUR FAVORITE MILLIONAIRE. ITS THEIR FAULT. I’m not discounting other factors like China, sub-prime, or gas prices. But all of those factors combined still pale in comparison to that HUGE transfer of wealth to the rich. Anyway, those other factors are all related and further aggravated because of GREED. If it were not for the OBSCENE distribution of wealth within our country, there never would have been such a market for sub-prime to begin with. IF IT WEREN'T FOR THE OBSCENE, UNREASONABLE, AND UNJUST DISTRIBUTION OF UNITED STATES WEALTH, THERE NEVER WOULD HAVE BEEN SUCH A MARKET FOR SUB-PRIME AND THERE NEVER WOULD HAVE BEEN A COLLAPSE IN THE HOUSING MARKET. Which by the way, was another trick whipped up by greedy bankers and executives. IT MAKES THEM RICHER. The credit industry has been ENDORSED by people like Oprah Winfrey, Ellen DeGeneres, Dr Phil, and many other celebrities. IT MAKES THEM RICHER. In fact, they specifically endorsed Countrywide by name. The same Countrywide widely responsible for predatory adjustable rate sub-prime lending and the subsequent collapse of the housing market. ENDORSED BY OPRAH WINFREY, ELLEN DEGENERES, AND DR PHIL. Now, there are commercial ties between nearly every industry and every public figure. IT MAKES THEM RICHER. So don’t fall for their ‘good will’ BS. ITS A LIE. If you fall for it, then you’re a fool. If you see any real difference between the moral character of a celebrity, politician, attorney, or executive, then you’re a fool. No offense fellow citizens. But we have been mislead by nearly every public figure. We still are. Even now, they claim to be 'hurting' right along with the rest of us. As if gas prices actually effect the lifestyle of a millionaire. ITS A LIE. IN 2007, THE RICHEST 1% INCREASED THEIR AVERAGE BOTTOM LINE WEALTH AGAIN. On average, they are now worth over $4,000,000 each. Thats an all time high. As a group, they are now worth well over $17,000,000,000,000. THATS WELL OVER SEVENTEEN TRILLION DOLLARS. Another all time high. Which by the way, is much more than the entire middle and lower classes combined. Also more than enough to pay off our national debt, fund the Iraq war for twenty years, repair our infrastructure, and bail out the US housing market. Still think that our biggest problem is China? Think again. Its the 1% club. That means every big name celebrity, athlete, executive, entrepreneur, developer, banker, and lottery winner. Along with many attorneys, doctors, politicians, and bankers. If they are rich, then they are part of the problem. Their incredible wealth was not 'created', 'generated', grown in their back yard, or printed up on their command. It was transferred FROM US TO THEM. Directly and indirectly. Its become near impossible to spend a dollar without making some greedy pig even richer. Don't be fooled by the occasional loss of a millionaire's fortune. Overall, they just keep getting richer. They absolutely will not stop. Still, they have the nerve to pretend as if they care about ordinary people. ITS A LIE. NOTHING BUT CALCULATED PR CRAP. WAKE UP PEOPLE. THEIR GOAL IS TO WIN THE GAME. The 1% club will always say or do whatever it takes to get as rich as possible. Without the slightest regard for anything or anyone but themselves. Reaganomics. Their idea. Loans from China. Their idea. NAFTA. Their idea. Outsourcing. Their idea. Sub-prime. Their idea. High energy prices. Their idea. Oil 'futures'. Their idea. Obscene health care charges. Their idea. The commercial lobbyist. Their idea. The multi-million dollar lawsuit. Their idea. The multi-million dollar endorsement deal. Their idea. $200 cell phone bills. Their idea. $200 basketball shoes. Their idea. $30 late fees. Their idea. $30 NSF fees. Their idea. $20 DVDs. Their idea. Subliminal advertising. Their idea. Brainwash plots on TV. Their idea. Vioxx, and Celebrex. Their idea. Excessive medical testing. Their idea. The MASSIVE campaign to turn every American into a brainwashed, credit card, pharmaceutical, medical testing, love-sick, celebrity junkie. Their idea. All of the above drive up the cost of living, shrink the middle class, concentrate the world’s wealth and resources, create a domino effect of socio-economic problems, and wreak havoc on society. All of which have been CREATED AND ENDORSED by celebrities, athletes, executives, entrepreneurs, attorneys, and politicians. IT MAKES THEM RICHER. So don’t fall for any of their ‘good will’ ‘humanitarian’ BS. ITS A SHAM. NOTHING BUT TAX DEDUCTIBLE PR CRAP. In many cases, the 'charitable' contribution is almost entirely offset. Not to mention the opportunity to plug their name, image, product, and 'good will' all at once. IT MAKES THEM RICHER. These filthy pigs even have the nerve to throw a fit and spin up a misleading defense with regard to 'federal tax revenue'. ITS A SHAM. THEY SCREWED UP THE EQUATION TO BEGIN WITH. If the middle and lower classes had a greater share of the pie, they could easily cover a greater share of the federal tax revenue. They are held down in many ways because of greed. Wages remain stagnant for millions because the executives, celebrities, athletes, attorneys, and entrepreneurs, are paid millions. They over-sell, over-charge, under-pay, outsource, cut jobs, and benefits to increase their bottom line. As their profits rise, so do the stock values. Which are owned primarily by the richest 5%. As more United States wealth rises to the top, the middle and lower classes inevitably suffer. This reduces the potential tax revenue drawn from those brackets. At the same time, it wreaks havoc on middle and lower class communities and increases the need for financial aid. Not to mention the spike in crime because of it. There is a domino effect to consider. IT CAN'T WORK THIS WAY. But our leaders refuse to acknowledge this. Instead they come up with one trick after another to milk the system and screw the majority. These decisions are heavily influenced by the 1% club. Every year, billions of federal tax dollars are diverted behind the scenes back to the rich and their respective industries. Loans from China have been necessary to compensate in part, for the red ink and multi-trillion dollar transfer of wealth to the rich. At the same time, the feds have been pushing more financial burden onto the states who push them lower onto the cities. Again, the hardship is felt more by the majority and less by the 1% club. The rich prefer to live in exclusive areas or upper class communities. They get the best of everything. Reliable city services, new schools, freshly paved roads, upscale parks, etc. The middle and lower class communities get little or nothing without a local tax increase. Which, they usually can't afford. So the red ink flows followed by service cuts and lay-offs. All because of the OBSCENE distribution of bottom line wealth in this country. Anyway, when you account for all federal, state, and local taxes, the middle class actually pay about the same rate as the rich. The devil is in the details. So when people forgive the rich for their incredible greed and then praise them for paying a greater share of the FEDERAL income taxes, its like nails on a chalk board. I can not accept any theory that our economy would suffer in any way with a more reasonable distribution of wealth. After all, it was more reasonable 30 years ago. Before Reaganomics came along. Before GREED became such an epidemic. Before we had an army of over-paid executives, bankers, celebrities, athletes, attorneys, doctors, investors, entrepreneurs, developers, and sold-out politicians to kiss their asses. As a nation, we were in much better shape. Strong middle class, free and clear assets, lower crime rate, more widespread prosperity, stable job market, lower deficit, etc. Our economy as a whole was much more stable and prosperous for the majority. WITHOUT LOANS FROM CHINA. Now, we have a more obscene distribution of bottom line wealth than ever before. We have a sold-out government, crumbling infrastructure, energy crisis, home foreclosure epidemic, credit crunch, weak US dollar, 13 figure national deficit, and 12 figure annual shortfall. The cost of living is higher than ever before. Most people can't even afford basic health care. ALL BECAUSE OF GREED. I really don't blame the 2nd -5th percentiles in general. No economy could ever function without some reasonable scale of personal wealth and income. But it can't be allowed to run wild like a mad dog. ALBERT EINSTEIN TRIED TO MAKE PEOPLE UNDERSTAND. UNBRIDLED CAPITALISM ABSOLUTELY CAN NOT WORK. TOP HEAVY ECONOMIES ALWAYS COLLAPSE. Bottom line: The richest 1% will soon tank the largest economy in the world. It will be like nothing we have ever seen before. The American dream will be shattered. and thats just the beginning. Greed will eventually tank every major economy in the world. Causing millions to suffer and die. Oprah, Angelina, Brad, Bono, and Bill are not part of the solution. They are part of the problem. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A MULTI-MILLIONAIRE HUMANITARIAN. EXTREME WEALTH MAKES WORLD PROSPERITY ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE. WITHOUT WORLD PROSPERITY, THERE WILL NEVER BE WORLD PEACE OR ANYTHING EVEN CLOSE. GREED KILLS. IT WILL BE OUR DOWNFALL. Of course, the rich will throw a fit and call me a madman.. Of course, they will jump to small minded conclusions about 'jealousy', 'envy', or 'socialism'. Of course, their ignorant fans will do the same. You have to expect that. But I speak the truth. If you don’t believe me, then copy this entry and run it by any professor of economics or socio-economics. Then tell a friend. Call the local radio station. Re-post this entry or put it in your own words. Be one of the first to predict the worst economic and cultural crisis of all time and explain its cause. WE ARE IN BIG TROUBLE. So what can we do about it? Well, not much. Unfortunately, we are stuck on a runaway train. The problem has gone unchecked for too many years. The US/global depression is coming thanks to the 1% club. It would take a massive effort by the vast majority to prevent it. Along with a voluntary sacrifice by the rich. THATS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. But if you believe in miracles, then spend your money as wisely as possible. Especially in middle and lower class communities. Check the Fortune 500 list and limit your support of high profit/low labor industries (Hollywood, pro sports, energy, credit, pharmaceutical, cable, satellite, Internet advertising, cell phone, high fashion, jewelry, etc.). Cancel all but one credit card for emergencies only. If you need a cell phone, then do your homework and find the best deal on a local pre-pay. If you want home Internet access, then use the least expensive provider, and share accounts whenever possible. If you need to search, then use the less popular search engines. They usually produce the same results anyway. Don't click on any Internet ad. If you need the product or service, then look up the phone number or address and contact that business directly. Don't pay to see any blockbuster movie. Instead, wait a few months and rent the DVD from a local store or buy it USED. If you want to see a big name game or event, then watch it in a local bar, club, or at home on network TV. Don't buy any high end official merchandise and don't support the high end sponsors. If its endorsed by a big name celebrity, then don't buy it. If you can afford a new car, then make an exception for GM, Ford, and Dodge. If they don't increase their market share soon, then a lot more people are going to get screwed out of their pensions and/or benefits. Of course, you must know by now to avoid those big trucks and SUVs unless you truly need one for its intended purpose. Don't be ashamed to buy a foreign car if you prefer it. After all, those with the most fuel efficient vehicles consume a lot less foreign oil. Which accounts for a pretty big chunk of our trade deficit. Anyway, the global economy is worth supporting to some extent. Its the obscene profit margins, trade deficits, and BS from OPEC that get us into trouble. Otherwise, the global economy would be a good thing for everyone. Just keep in mind that the big 3 are struggling and they do produce a few smaller reliable cars. Don't frequent any high end department store or any business in a newly developed upper class community. By doing so, you make developers richer and draw support away from industrial areas and away from the middle class communities. Instead, support the local retailer and the less popular shopping centers. Especially in lower or middle class communities. If you can afford to buy a home, then do so. But go smaller and less expensive. Don't get yourself in too deep and don't buy into the newly developed condos or gated communities. Instead, find a modest home in a building or neighborhood at least 20 years old. If you live in one of the poorer states, then try to support its economy first and foremost. Be on the lookout for commercial brainwash plots on TV. They are written into nearly every scene of nearly every show. Most cater to network sponsors and parent companies. Especially commercial health care. Big business is fine on occasion depending on the profit margins and profit sharing. Do your homework. If you want to support any legitimate charity, then do so directly. Never support any celebrity foundation. They spend most of their funding on PR campaigns, travel, and high end accommodations for themselves. Instead, go to Charitywatch.org and look up a top rated charity to support your favorite cause. In general, support the little guy as much as possible and the big guy as little as possible. Do your part to reverse the transfer of wealth away from the rich and back to the middle and lower classes. Unfortunately, there is no perfect answer. Jobs will be lost either way. Innocent children will starve and die either way. But we need to support the largest group of workers with the most reasonable profit margins. We also need to support LEGITIMATE charities (Check that list at Charitywatch.org). This is our only chance to limit the severity and/or duration of the coming US/global depression. In the meantime, don't listen to Bernanke, Paulson, Bartiromo, Orman, Dobbs, Kramer, OReiley, or any other public figure with regard to the economy. They are all plenty smart but I swear to you that they will lie right through their rotten teeth. IT MAKES THEM RICHER. These people work for big business. The 'experts' they cite also work for big business. They are all motivated by their desire to accumulate more wealth. THEY WILL LIE RIGHT THROUGH THEIR ROTTEN TEETH. So don't fall for their tricks. Instead, look at the big picture. The economic problems we face have been mounting for well over 20 years. All of them caused or aggravated by a constant transfer of wealth from poorer to richer. Soon, it will cause the first ever GLOBAL DEPRESSION. Its not brain surgery. Its simple math. Like I said, you are welcome to run this by any professor of economics or socio-economics. If thats not good enough, then look up what Einstein had to say about greed, extreme wealth, and its horrible consequences. I speak the truth. GREED KILLS. IT WILL BE OUR DOWNFALL.Its already underway. A massive campaign to divert our attention. Trump, Buffet, OReiley, Dobbs, Pickens, Norris, and several other well known filthy rich public figures have been running their mouths about the economy. Finally admitting a hint of severity after almost 2 years of denial. They even have the nerve to acknowledge the possibility of a US/global depression. Still, they refuse to acknowledge the single greatest underlying cause. GREED KILLS. IT WILL BE OUR DOWNFALL.A word for those who respond with the usual 'I know more than you. Look how smart, knowledgeable, and articulate I am' crap. Let me say this in advance. I don't claim to be an expert in this field. But I did go on record with these predictions long before any public figure uttered the word 'recession'. If you search long enough, you will find my early postings from '05' and '06'. Including the first draft of this rant. Since then, I've gone on record against people like Greenspan, Bernanke, and Paulson. So far, my predictions have been accurate. Like I said. This is not brain surgery. For the mostpart, its simple math. When you concentrate the world's wealth, you also concentrate its capital and shrink the middle class along with the potential market for every major industry. Homes go unsold. Bills go unpaid. Banks fail. More products go unsold. Jobs are lost. More banks fail. and so on. and so on. It happened 80 years ago. It will happen again. This time on a global scale. Throughout the cycle, the rich will tighten their grip. Concentrating the world's wealth and resources even further and ensuring the collapse of every major economy worldwide. Think it can't happen? Think again. GREED KILLS. IT WILL BE OUR DOWNFALL.Another thing. I don't want credit for any of this. Otherwise, I would have given my full name a long time ago. As far as I'm concerned, you can put this rant in your own words and take credit for all of it. I don't care. Just spread the word. Otherwise, the greatest injustice of all time will go down in history unchecked.
September 30, 2008 1:29 PM

Where's the Beef? Failout 2008

I see great relief for superior elitists such as me but where is the beef for little people like we?

http://www.latimes.com/media/acrobat/2008-09/42631254.pdf

Read and weep.

CD
Sometimes lies are the sugar pill we seek.

2008 Failout Bill Passed

Monkey do as Monkey sees... What a ceremonious event.

CD
Sometimes you have to poop

Whats In Your Wallet?

Sure the sky is falling. All the media pun-dents are screaming, if not outright demanding, for a complete stock market melt down. They scurry out to the street corners like prostitutes gaming their johns but the lure resides in their corporate logos, cameras, microphones and celebrity. Delivering you the gloom and doom with a glorious blond bombshells sensual smile. As you delve into their devilries of delirium that the worst depression since the Great Depression is around the corner, let us keep some sensibilities and review why the Great Depression will not recur.

Cigarette smoking was the norm in the days of the Great Depression. There were no thoughts of going green except marijuana was also still legal to use per se (though the push to make illegal was in process at the time). A vegetarian was usually a word that was misheard in lieu of the like sounding word veterinarian with no further thought other than a snicker. Alaska and Hawaii were not even states and this has a significant economic impact to the current economic state. Hawaii lured Baywatch from California, and Alaska has provided lots of moose and grizzly bears to our now vast national and global economy.

Many other things were different back then. Small differences like no televisions, many still had no indoor bathrooms nor electricity. Neanderthal man was just starting to become extinct. NASA did not exist which means the moon did not exist back then either. Another key element is that many parents did not even exist then.

So as you start to panic and be overcome with dread, simply realize we are almost a no smoking nation today. We are extremely conscious about green things other than money such as saving trees in lieu of jobs or getting marijuana legalized. Most importantly we have gained much wisdom and now realize that monkeys can lead us to Great Derision in 2008. Of course you could go home for the Jewish holidays.

CD
Sometimes its only money.

Ahoy! Them Thar Pirates Be!

What is the difference between citizens being held hostage to a tyrannical government gone amuck and hooligans kidnapping an oil tanker on the open seas off the horn of Africa and holding it for a 20 million ransom? Apparently there have been variations in the meaning of the term booty. Pen to paper as sword or gun to vessel captain shows the differnce to be around 699,980,000,000 (thats billion). So whose going to notice that bootyful bounty of oil enriched 20 million handsome ransom on the open seas off the horn of Africa? Not me.

CD
Sometimes all you can do is pee.

Failout 2008

What to do? What is happening? Is there a major financial crisis? What is WAMU? What does this mean for me and will this stop english? Can my business meet its payroll? Should I care about rich people? Should I care about poor people? Will Sarah Palin feel my pain the same way that Joe Biden feels his pain? Is Sarah Palin richer than Barack Obama? How has this economic crisis impacted McCain, Obama, Biden, Palin, the Bush clan, the Clintons, the rest of the senate and congress? Whose to blame for my problems?

Do not fret. Corporate Dick is writing a book to answer all of these questions and more. More questions like

Who the fuck is Ahmahdenajad and how do you spell that pricks name?

Where is Iran and why does it exist?

Do all muslims fart?

Do all christians fart?

If both muslims and christians fart why is there friction?

Who can breathe in the economy?

Will anti-abortionists legalize marijuana?

How the fuck do you spell amahdenajad?

Should the United States consume Mexico through eminent domain sterilization?

Who in the house of representatives have had their nuts snipped?

Will Emily turn gay?

CD
Sometimes when you think about it you feel hungry.

CD Love Poem

Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
A Bird Just Shit on Me
It Reminded me of You

Critical Thought (CT) 1

CT 1

Every now and then you can't see a difference of indifference.

Monday behavior predictor

Males - your pants are unzipped
Females - your cell phone batteries are low
All others - remain seated

CD

Where Leaders Do Not Exist

Trolly I cannot find the light switch on my own. Somehow I have been defenestrated to a netherworld of incomprehensible tolerance. I find this to be intolerable when the tolerance levels have breached the threshold that then requires intolerance. Cheers to the West. I appeared inside a Shell gas station and found my beer of choice. Nothing better than a good India Pale Ale for the bitter hopped job of delegation. I took one out of the six pack and proceeded to the counter. I looked at the attendant and inquired if there were any pet friendly hotels around. He replied in a manner truly befitting a stoned Tommy Chong ... uh I don't know I never stay at them... to which I replied ... neither do I... the attendant was now partially confused and hesitantly continued to ring up my bottle of beer. It was as if he was trying to remember something. Just as he was bagging the bottle, while the charge processed through the electronic retail system of credit tolerance, he stopped and in another gracious stoned stupor approximating stuttering he stated ... uh we cant sell this beer by the bottle... I paused and briefly stared at him with the intellect befitting a third grader mentality and replied ...Why? This completely baffled him and I knew we would remain frozen in time unless great leadership was implemented immediately. I stated ... okay... and rushed back to the beer section and grabbed the six pack from which I had taken the one bottle and returned to the counter. I informed the challenged youth to take the simple path and ring up the six pack. The charge processed and as he started to draw a bag to place the six pack in I grabbed my bottle and said ... keep the rest I just want the one bottle... the stoner was paralyzed and unable to comprehend what actions this would require him to do... It was out of my hands. Leadership was defenestrated with my departing. Now to find sleeping quarters without anyone knowing they are serving the greatest CEO of all time... The pets have become a great disguise of liberal concern for all humanity as I witness pure gluttony all around me. I pull into a Travel Lodge Inn... Ah... a tavern of possible future consequence...

CD
Sometimes leaving is safer than staying put.

God Bless Corporate Dick!!!

Some points to consider, or Tips From A CEO.

Remember in this day and age profits are evil, non profits are bad, but bonuses are always warranted, in good times and bad.

From Exxon to Washington Mutual, from the East coast to the West, the only thing wrong for any CEO, is to not make a lot of green from the environment.

Pave the Planet, and Save the Males, The Universe is falling, and time will tell the tale.

Red rover red rover send Al Gore on over… uh… please don’t send Al Gore on over…. Unless it is over there which is way far away from over here...

Brought to you by the National Green Corporation to Make You Feel Good About Buying Green Products That Are No Earth Friendlier Than Other Than Green Products.

CD
Sometimes when you see something you do not notice it.

Hello Trolly

Hello Trolly. I am not sure where I am but know that I am not in my email. You know the sign that things are going well is when all you get in your email inbox are those messages from the system administrator that tell you your email message was sent and received or that so and so read your email. What a concept. Somethings are simply incomprehensible. How could anyone believe that unless they were themselves a CEO. So Trolly I looked down just now and noticed something appears wrong. Not only do my feet feel and appear to be pointing behind me, but one of my top advisers has taken umbrage amongst me. I feel they may be plying me with some type of cavil revelry. Though I may be contrite and convey some leveled acumen of parsimonious content, one cannot denounce my sentient being. This is what sets me apart Trolly. I am a disparate canorous susurrus assiduous lacuna surrounded with trepidation yet sacrosanct in an outre nonage of todays mendacious verdure. Perhaps it was or is from the fire. Where are you Trolly?

CD
Sometimes you must promenade alone. If you are moving forward and everyone or everything else is moving backwards then you have not moved at all.

APB - ALERT! Corporate Dick Missing

This is Trolly. To all, CD has gone missing. We are all looking for him with great urgency. Please help us find Corporate Dick. He is of variable height, somewhat thin, gray complexion, faceless features, and wearing blue pants. Use extreme caution and notify Corporate Dick Headquarters. He may be kicking employees in the nuts or hallucinating that he is bleeding to death. We are unsure what position the light switch was last in. Please try to hear what he is saying, mainly if what he is saying sounds like nonsensical ramblings or common sense. This will allow us to determine the issue with the light switch.

Please help us find CD. Thank You.

Trolly

Feeling Wimpy

Feeling Wimpy? You should. You showed up for work as usual. What a putz. So what if you are feeling like an amalgam of fustian cronyism. Upper management is more likely to promote those they relate too and feel most comfortable with. With that stated why not try and be more like upper management. Use your sick time on Fridays or Mondays so they know you are just like them, one who cringes two day weekends and knows the vital importance of being away from the office. It increases productivity when you are not there.

CD
Sometimes the smallest things are the largest of all.

Pretending

So I prepare to leave. I left. Good bye. The airliner hits the confluent currents just over 31,000 feet. We drop instantly 2,000 feet. The sop behind me figured he did not need that seat belt while seated and was instantly smashed into the overhead storage bin. The snapping of his neck and the simultaneous crushing of his nose into his eye sockets exploded a noise I hope to never hear again. I am just glad he had no chance to make any human sounds of agony. The starboard engine raced then went silent and immediately after the jolt of the plane catching its wings horizontally the several pukers began their chores. Just then the port engine went silent and the angle of our adventure began to descend nose first. I thought briefly in my usual sardonic manner ... lets see them serve those little snacks now... and ...guess there is nothing like being the movie instead of seeing it... the plane was now almost vertical and the g forces were uncomfortable to say the least. I had heard that to get the engines started again that the pilots would have to take a nose dive to do so. I hoped that was what was going on. I began to wonder what the impact will be like when we hit the ocean at this rate. I thought of the movie Castaway. No doubt that was just a movie. I thought about all the dweebs back at the corporate office. Living their safe little lives. Pretending all was well. Faking happiness as they survived one form or another of their self inspired morbidity. I felt a momentary halcyon state from within. Too bad it could not stay forever. We should be gone anytime as seconds sustained themselves across that suspension of time that turns the speed of light into a tortoise pace of slow motion. I thought of Trolly. I know I will miss her. She always provided me a repose of that one who always insisted on getting what one wants through erratic means. She reminded me of myself. In that regard I think we were alike. Both wanting that elusive steady constant that was ever absent within. But what can you do? So it is. The sound of an engine can faintly be heard. I muster every ounce of strength to turn my head towards a window to see whatever I can. Fuck! I swear I see the silhouetted gray gloved hand. Ha! I shout. Where is your controlling light switch now asshole!

CLICK

That bitch! Scrambling wench! I feel as though I am infected with tourettes. Ham fucking biscuits do not exist in a free market enterprise dip shit! Bring it on you dilapidated anchor of excuses! Capital in excess of preferred share warrants can only lead to short term debt embedded in quality circles you corporate dick! Get out of my office! Trolly call the attorneys and get me a double shot of espresso. Private placements have multiple meanings. Tomatoes are going to hit seven dollars a pound which will drive up the cost of precious metals and the increased demand for epoxy and other products such as fiberglass. Twit!

CLICK

What determines when the light switch is turned on or off I thought to myself. The sound of another engine coming to life roared in my ears. To be honest the sound of the engines now were quite compared to their brief absence. I felt the nose of the vessel start towards a horizontal rise. A calm seemed to wash away the intensity of it all. I looked forward for any sign of Trolly. Then wondered if any external damage existed to the plane as it came to a normal position passengers are accustomed too. I look out the window and see Saipan. No doubt we will be landing at Guam very shortly. Tokyo will have to wait a bit. Pretending is fun huh? My peripheral vision caught a glimpse of the gray gloved hand...

CD
Sometimes taking control of your existence returns just that.

It Goes On

The losses continue to mount on top of each previous loss growing to an enormous pinnacle of demonstrative excellence in corporate performance. No one hollers more like a loser than a loser. The smart ones capitalize on the unfortunate and exploit the political canter calls of injustice, that would be the enormous profits big oil companies are experiencing. One after another spews out the same message to the street ...Our losses continue to grow as our margins diminish exponentially in relation to the increase in the cost of energy resources... Then its my turn to face the shareholders and the board. I glance across the room as my name is announced. My speech has become rote just by listening to all the others. I spy Trolly sitting at one of our major shareholders table, and she appears differently today. She seems immaculately dressed for the occasion but abundantly remiss in her top priority to watch as many light switches as possible. I sooth any fear with my innate confidence of a great CEO, the greatest CEO ever. The applause begins and I stride towards the podium. I think to myself that they better have the company logo displayed appropriately in the same fashion as the presidential seal. I start my salutations all the while looking out across the room full of bobbling heads of wealth. It is here, in rooms like this, that the real direction of the country is determined. From economics to wars. I finish thanking those who have done the work and look to my right just behind the curtain and I see the hand appear. So eloquently encased in a majestic gray glove. I look over to Trolly and see she has just started to excuse herself from the table. I feel the anticipation wince throughout my being. I attempt to deliver the jest of my speech ...As my predecessor once said, in times like these we do not need... I turned my head to look for the gray gloved hand... I knew Trolly wouldn't reach it in time.

CLICK

...if pickles came in a dry jar we could save more energy than any shooting star and still melt the ice in the freezer instead of using the term defrost. Seriously, who would ever think that the previously unknown Reverend Wright would become a media superstar as we sit now for the past 30 days or so waiting with sensationalized anxiety as the media pundits, the true hate and fear mongers, continue to dig and dwell into 20 years of pastoral history that might show proof that this reverend has been involved in terrorism. Any terrorism. Where is the destructive results from the patrons of his church? Certainly after 20 years one would think a militia had been formed ...I realize I am on a roll... If there is nothing of substance then why is there a non issue of insurmountable discursiveness? Ah the scared conservatives and the political antidotes of sinister strategy deployment. Pretzels have more twists with or without salt... I wonder where Trolly is as I continue. ...Connecting speaker wires correctly will return proper sound but connecting the negative wire to the positive connection will wreak havoc with unpredictable implications...

CLICK

I see Trolly retreating from the light switch. There is a barely visible mist of gray with crystal like reflections dissipating. The crowd seems stunned or in awe. I try to recall my diatribe. There is silence that stretches for hundreds of years inside the 7 seconds that have ticked away. I reiterate ...It seems we have more to concern ourselves with than just depressing margins that once returned sweet profits but now become cloy through perpetually living in the moment and never looking forward. ... So let us now blame big oil alone as the giant albatross they have always been, but rather let us shake a stern finger, a solid universal symbolic finger, towards the true root cause of our current predicament... Raise your finger and salute the big three automakers for not guiding things towards a greener vision... Thank you.

CD
Sometimes all is lost even when there is no wind to fill the sails.

A Simple Request

Today I, the greatest CEO of all in existence, request a simple thing of you all. It requires very little physical exertion but may cause some to fall ill. However, it is of great importance. Most of you never realize how simple this thing I request of you can have marvelous or dire consequences depending on your actions toward my request. Most do not believe in the consequences of simple connectivity. So here is the simple request.

Think.

CD
Sometimes those that appear to be a gimcracks are.

Quitters

There are many quitters these days in Oregon. Great CEOs never quit. Oregon is a funny place these days. They remind me of Clinton politics which stipulate one must play by the rules until they become disadvantageous then attempt to have the rules changed but under the guise that things are being ameliorated for the greater good. The only thing good about going green for business is the revenue streams are starting to flood with green. These are tremendous CEO leadership initiatives. So is a conflict of interest just a matter where one is in a position of being incapable of being interested in more than one thing at the same time or incapable of having an equal interest in multiple things at the same time? There are prehistoric blades of grass that a now deceased spotted owl crapped on and no one seemed to declare any conflicts of interest. So perhaps this conflict of interest topic about global warming equates to the controversy of the spotted owl. Oregon - leading the cause for change to change things back before change. I hear whales farting.

CD
Sometimes places appear better than they are not.

Be Worthy

James was a great CEO. He had a keen ability to tell if an individual was worthy of membership to the sphincter club. I remember when the board of his corporation admonished him in a memo that was distributed to all shareholders and employees. James had steadfastly held to his mission of cleaning house of inbred elements. Those unwanted epigones of business success. James took the memo and had it matted and set in a beautiful frame and hung it directly behind him where he sat at his desk. Anyone who visited him would see …the memo… as it became to be known. Those he deemed to be …out of touch… were phrased as …they are not worthy to be a sphincter… He labeled the board as such. James died at 47. He laid there on the marble floor of his corporate headquarters lobby. It was a cold Philadelphia winter morning. Just inside the turnstile entryway is where he collapsed. The heart attack had rendered him immobile and he laid there face down with the left side of his face flush against the cold marble floor. It was winter and sunrise was just beginning. As workers entered the building they would step around James and look with concern then continue to the elevators. James could not talk as he laid there conscious of what was occurring. He could not breathe and just needed someone to administer CPR. No one did. When I arrived it was too late. His life was departing. I knelt down to check if he was conscious. Our eyes locked for a long few seconds then I asked him if he could hear me. James muttered and slurred something. I knelt down to place my ear as close to his mouth as possible and asked …what?... I could barely hear his utterance as life escaped through his last words. … They are not worthy… he barely made the audible phrase. Great CEOs never surrender.

CD
Sometimes when I see a worthy sphincter I think of James

Farewells, Celebrations and More Career Tips

There is much confusion amongst the dwindlers as to making a conscientious decision to partake in events such as a farewell lunch or a co-workers birthday. When in doubt fall back to this helpful tip. When you arrived on your first day were the same people you are now befuddled about greeting you with that winsome celebratory vigor and good will? If the answer to this is no then why should you feel compelled or conflicted to celebrate their existence or non-existence now? Just be happy they are leaving and regretful if they are staying. Another helpful tip is think about the hypothetical event of your untimely death. Would they attend your funeral or rather look upon your death as a career advancement opportunity? The work place is not about feeling good amongst each other. It should brood spite and animosity that comes with good old competition and of course the good ole boy condition. Though in some departments it is the good ole girl condition. Keep track of what those who work around you are doing and make a point to mind their business so you can tell the boss. Self preservation is the key to a successful career in management. To advance fast always treat others as you would not treat yourself. If they are talking interrupt them and tell them how ridiculous they sound. If they are quiet, coax them into a conversation so you can interrupt them and tell them how ridiculous they sound. Spill coffee on their papers that are on their desk. A true and gutsy maneuver is to just poor coffee directly onto their keyboards. Hide papers that are laying about. If they leave their car keys out take them and go move their car to a tow away zone or at least where they will get a ticket. If they take off their shoes then teach them a lesson about office etiquette and poor something like honey into their shoes. The work place is not a home. It is a place you go to earn money and money is the only reason you show up to that place. With this in mind spare yourself and the other poor sops who join you everyday. If you really want to celebrate, or show some form of appreciation to a co-worker, bring in a bottle of whiskey or tequila and hide it in their desk drawer. Then during a staff meeting or a group water cooler discussion with them toss out that suggestion of taking a shot from the booze they keep in their desk (be sure to take a couple swigs prior to placing in their desk drawer so it appears that they have been using the booze).

CD
To be truly happy always reach for the stars that you will never reach so you at least attain your measly 3% pay increase. It earns me big money.

Breaking The Glass Ceiling

Get therapy. See your Employee Assistance Program Counselor or your Human Resources Representative for more details. Do not attempt to pick up broken glass by yourself. You may get cut. Bless your heart.

CD
Sometimes those things that appear as obstacles are really just things meant to keep you where you should be.

Green Global Warming

How green is the universe? 750,000 years ago the Earth spun at a different rate of speed, and in a different position upon its axis than it does today. Back then there was a serious global warming similar of what the histrionics clamor about today. A scary being also roamed the Earth back then who is known as one of the earliest ancestors to Al Gore. A prehistoric ass hole.

Though its belly was not as nourished, and facial cheeks not as chubby, the prehistoric ass hole caused a global crisis of manic proportions. The prehistoric ass hole would travel around the globe, in its prehistoric jet, touting green vitals in order to stop the global warming. Because the prehistoric ass hole could not mine gold of his own volition he charged others to bring him gold to keep his level of income in tact. Scientists today now understand that the global warming was caused by unpredictable physic variants in the elements of cross gender solar flares that were the result of the prehistoric ass holes bad breath (the theory of hot air).

As a result of the prehistoric ass hole perpetually preaching convenient lies, the excretions he exhaled began to change weather patterns inside the atmosphere between the two polar caps. Science has since discovered this bad breath syndrome is of a tetrogenic seismiscope mutation which means it passed along to Al Gore himself.

What will be discovered 750,000 years from now is that Al Gore caused global warming simply by living and breathing. Regardless, climate change simply cannot be a culminating and evolutionary cycle of events from cometosis, asteroid activity, sunbursts and solar flares, changes in universal weather, earth quakes, volcano eruptions, human farting (methane expulsion), and intergalactic music festival activity. Simple interplanetary mining of natural resources and the exploitation of those resources towards increased corporate profits has no impact on the universal state of fear that elevates chicken little to the situation we have today of running for president.

750,000 years ago profits were good and cherished even though global warming was developing. Other than that the only difference was there were more happy homeless people back then.

CD
Sometimes when you sleep you wake up.

National Day of Prayer is May 01, 2008

A great day is coming. May 1st will require you all to pray for great leaders such as myself. The United States Congress, by Public Law 100-307, has recognized an annual National Day of Prayer. The second greatest leader of all time, George W. Bush has proclaimed May 01, 2008 as this great day. This is a fantastic campaign to inveigle the masses to endow the majestic ones like me with pure benevolence and personal wealth.

On May 01, 2008 people all over the United States will be joining together to pray for Gods protection and direction for our country and its leaders. This doctrine requires each and every one of you to pray for my safe advancement of our corporate and government exploitation across poor impoverished nations and workers, and especially the lower expectationals, including the complete wealth building exploitation throughout Canada, China, India, Mexico, South America, Europe, Japan, Korea, Australia, and Third World countries like the United States. Employees everywhere need to beg the lord to deliver unto me and that all the riches of the world be bestowed to my bank account. Cash offerings are one of the best ways to please the lord, and anoint your self with a shiny cleansing of that guilt involved with hoarding cash for your own gain. This will allow you to roister in your under-achievements and successful failures.

CD
Usually when I see you I am able to reaffirm that things are really fucked up.

Your Poor Performance

I just want to pass along some great leadership advice and perspective. Do not worry, if you go belly up on your mortgage. You will simply pay a hefty price and get trounced for your poor performance due to the financial corporations irresponsible behavior. They will smite you with severe negative credit scores to your record that will affect you for years to come. However, there is light at the end of the tunnel so do not fret because all is not lost. Your poor performance means somewhere a strong financial institution is recording losses that are building and showing up on their financial reports as humongous losses. This is turn provides their shareholders with terrible returns which trickle up to the CEOs in the form of handsome bonuses in the millions of dollars for your poor performance. See the new economy is working. Try to keep things in perspective. If you still have a job at least you have a job. If you lost your job you are free to explore new opportunities. Regardless you owe a huge thank you to a CEO. If you see a CEO in passing open your wallet and give them all the money you have. Show your appreciation.

CD
Sometimes, when all seems lost, it usually is.

The Hand That Flips The Light Switch (continues)

As I was discussing in my previous conference with myself, when leading maybe you need to look around. See what is there or missing. Perhaps everything is just the way it is suppose to be inside your feeble mind. Breaking ones mind as if it was ones leg or arm is an easy thing to do when you have millions of excuses. What I have discovered as a great CEO is that many amongst the minnows objurgate any thing that is mentioned, moved or treaded upon. Weenies are among us. Let the games begin. The hand reached to the light switch. My heart sunk with dread...

CLICK

Snowflakes can eat each other while in flight but not after cessation of landing on their final resting place for melting. Inside a snowflake are billions of crystals that contain enough solar energy to fill the human brain with molecular gelatin to ease the spreading of peanut butter on 25,000 slices of bread to prevent mold. Human consumption is optional but most likely in colder temperatures. Cell phones can transmit thoughts of numerous snowflakes at once, but unable to receive from celestial satellites beyond our wireless consumption. Margin calls will supersede the Fed recall of interest rates in the commodities sector.

CLICK

What time is it?

CD
Sometimes, you can part the bald spot even when there is no hair on your head.

Listening to Your Great Corporate Leaders During Economic Times of Trouble

As you look around today in your immediate, yet feeble work location, I am certain that most of you will portray your eager and anxious anticipation of that management meeting, where great minds open the dammed mental flood gates that flood your existence with their miasma of intelligence. It is you the captive audience that make the difference. Some of you will play your adolescence immaturity that you never grew out of since some point in your early childhood that you have been “stuck” in forever. Others will feign intellectual superiority. Others just might be on the up and up and toss out a few hooks to lure management off topic. Great leaders never stray or become fooled by such idiocy. Learn your place. Sit upright and worship the ground the pimp that signs your time card walks on like they were the greatest thing since Alexander the Great. The most important thing you can do now, in these times of lower expectational trouble, is fully utilize all of your mental powers and demonstrate without a doubt that you have the same abulia capabilities as any great leader. This will dwell in the towers that ring the bells for you. Maybe even get you noticed for a position in Human Resources. No matter what do not fear, for these are only ivory tower bells that ring for you. As usual, it is just your daydreaming fantasy imagination gone serious. Whatever lights your candles are merely remnants of your inability to retain something new, and should positively remind you that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It just leads to perpetual astonishment of deserved levels within the organization, be it yourself or your immediate work location. Look around before you cringe. Never let them see you smile. Wince!
CD
Sometimes, when you least expect it, regurgitation just happens. For some, it occurs constantly.

A Message From Corporate Dick's CEO

I take great pride wearing my new Corporate Dick Long Sleeve TShirt using my Corporate Dick Mousepad while enjoying my morning coffee from my Corporate Dick Coffee Mug. I feel at ease, comfortable and safe from those corporate elements that try to invade my elitist thoughts that must be manifested upon the masses. It is at this point I see the hand come around the door jam and feel for the light switch. I know as soon as it is flipped to the on position my thoughts, my critical thoughts, will shuffle amongst the turmoiling and inner chaos that surrounds CEO greatness. The hand searches the wall and finds the light switch. The click of the switch rings like a town criers yell in my mind as I realize the thoughts that will start to transcend through me and interrupt what my cranium is processing at that very moment of occurrence.

CLICK

So the ticker symbol is CEO and the current price is 156 per share with a volume of 230,000,000. Outside the weather is changing and cement is being poured somewhere at a rate equivalent to a mountain creek that forms temporarily from snow melt runoff. Inside the sauna at a health club is someone sitting in a steam room, another in a sauna, another in a hot tub and some are running on treadmills or pretending to be interested in health but only there for the social engagements that need to occur to get laid. Trolly speaks to me but my mind is moving so fast processing thoughts that I do not hear her completely. Simon the finance controller attempts to get my attention but I pay more attention to the bird that just flies by the penthouse windows here at the Corporate Dick Headquarters building. Camera light bulb flashes seem to be going off but I cannot tell and the smell of coffee reminds me to get a refill and re savor using my Executive Corporate Dick Coffee Mug. I see motion over at the light switch and my grey skin returns to its normal state. Taxes are due. The hand flips the light switch to off and my state returns to my previous manner.

CLICK

As I reach all in the critical masses they will begin to feel a joy never felt before. An inner peace that provides elation and realizations that I am the greatest CEO ever. Their funny bones will be overcome with such laughter that... I see the hand motion to the light switch. I beg inside for it to not switch to on. To no avail

CLICK

Looking out to the world through the eyes of a cow I realize I am trapped in a maze of constant chewing. A pick up truck can be heard and the morning dew on the pasture is annoying this time. Trolly speaks to me again but I still pay little attention. The conference room table seems larger than normal today but it feels good to be sitting in my Corporate Dick Chief Executive Chair. The elements of global warming are linked directly to the inversion of the rates of gender specific cancers that are prorated to undeniable positions of polarity across party lines. Coffee consumption will increase as economic times grow worse. Home values are purposely driven to perverted lows to keep the psychological impacts as large as possible. This will provide generous opportunities for the wealthy to gain more wealth, divide the social spectrum to tighter cluster groups, and ignite some tense situations that will continue to instill the false belief that the Major news media and top comedians are one and the same.

CLICK

So it is with this single thought that I hope all will enjoy the wonderful and enlightening products and entertainment that Corporate Dick Inc. provides. We will continue to strive to grow our entertainment content to greatness as our revenue streams grow. Corporate Dick is the most powerful company in the world and you know what we mean!

CLICK

Syphilis is contracted by purchasing power and investment in hedge funds that follow the money. Outsourcing jobs to fourth world countries can return enormous profits of which any female will confess, size does matter. Factors for world peace are fictitious and only utilized to institutionalize, divide and acquire, wealth, control, and political clout that enables transitional social engineering to accept things as they are. Agents of change are never what they claim to be.

CLICK

Trolly, I think I would like to go to lunch. Care to join me?

Micro Truly Lost The Soft

It is too bad that some just refuse to see the greatness I exude. I thought the gasping caesura responses were a result of all recognizing this flawless character of mine. Perhaps I am failing to reach all the worlds attention. It will come soon enough. The pugnacious lemmings at the bottom will never learn. As revenues grow, so too will market exposure. Speaking of exposure, I encountered a charging upward trend that has filled the denial deities with glee. Microlost has exposed that it has no innovative ideas internally and must therefore attack and acquire those companies that are enshrined in true intuitive creativity. As the name implies the lost should be soft. The current hostile takeover bid for Boohoo is a great example of genius leading a giant to slaughter. Doodle has completely spanked Microlost until their sweet corporate butt cheeks are redder than the impending net losses below their ankles as they embrace Boohoo like a group of retards in training. Those rosy red butt cheeks kind of remind me of Gill Skates who once said …great CEOs are out there, you just have to hide from them… circa 1254 B.C. Gill is still hiding from me.

CD
If you chase yourself you fall farther behind those chasing you. Sometimes the light shines brightest in complete darkness. Then again sometimes it only shines in total darkness. Somebody get the lights.

Small Bonus Increases for All

Since most employees, those of the lower expectation levels, the ones beneath the elite, beneath great CEOs such as myself, are voluble in most everything they attempt, it is difficult to keep the ship headed with an appropriate compass and afflatus. They brood and hibernate in the strangest of places, and many find themselves in the same place after 20, 30, or even 40 years. I have often wondered what differentiates their ilk from that of mine. Why would anyone devote the majority of their existence towards building a personal shrine within the suffocating confines of a 6 foot by 6 foot open cubicle area? Perhaps the pictures, comic strips, and other nonsense are survival tools that have been utilized since the discovery of cave men worshiping bear remains and drawing stick figures. Could it be that there is an innate disdain towards work? Certainly the Internet was a useful tool in prehistoric times. MyCave.com was probably the most popular MySpace type cave site. I should probably check in with that Geico commercial guy on this. Yes Trolly, I know, I almost suffocated wearing that tie yesterday. However, I did persuade the board to give me a lucrative bonus of 75 million. It is only 25 million larger than last year, but losses this year were in the billions instead of profits so it is well justified. I did my job and it is common sense. They know that in times of trouble CEOs need more compensation to build a more permanent dock for the ship, plus construction costs for the new addition to my mansion will cost more as prices rise. The subordinate executives need larger retention bonuses too, and the lower minions will be excited as I received board approval to give them each a 2 dollar coupon to Almostgone.com for Christmas. That will cost us a million in cash but I think it is well spent. You know, keep them happy. The board was also very impressed with my new exciting and innovative company Internet initiative. Imagine Trolly, a corporate website where management can send employees notices that they are being fired. Bodily injury and harm risks will be significantly reduced as well as medical and liability insurance costs. Damn it… I think I just wet my pants. Sometimes I get really excited over certain projects.

CD
Sometimes when I look back and reflect I see nothing.

Never Ask

When you are at your most vulnerable or embarrassing state never ask for assistance as you run the risk of letting them know you are just as stupid as they are. Never let them know you are just as lost as they are for they will recognize you as weak. Never ask the lower expectationals anything that appears they are providing you with knowledgeable information as they will sense promotional opportunity or a chance to mingle with a great figure head... What is this strange place? I feel as though I am in a box, a very confining box, as though I am being controlled and suffocated. I hear others around me. They sound just as confined and air restricted. Why am I blindfolded? If only I could get too Trolly. I smell coffee...

CD
Sometimes your cubicle is like being in Wal Mart. Not life altering but simply lifeless. Enjoy it.

A Happier Place - You Must Feel Good

True joy comes from being rich and elite. Today I am overjoyed knowing that the ruling order will begin to reclaim its just place through ostentation to the groveling lower expectational masses. The elation I, and my fellow wealthy beyond any meaningful needs friends, will feel as price hikes begin to trickle down to those who should rightly continue to whine and pay for our style of living, will pump their cash right out of their pocket books and into my numerous cash accounts. The great CEOs such as I will go unscathed yet again as lawmakers realize if they come after us the process will bear out that they were just as sinister as all of our self righteous forefathers of wealth and nation building. Hike the air fares, raise the prices across all goods and services, push the limits in all ways possible so the ones affected become numb with total financial devastation numbness. There are vast amounts of money to be made and new public relations gimmicks just waiting to be implemented. Some have been taking advantage prematurely which will cause a minor divide within the circle of the wealthy but all inside the circle know that the band wagon to jump onto is the green wagon. Oh how we will push ourselves upon the lower expectationals with the feel good fodder that we are ever searching for ways to recycle or discover new Earth friendly resources. Why we even send out letters asking them to sign up for donations on their billings to help us find these wonderful things that will prevent the universe from warming the Earth like a hot branding iron that will melt your being until your bones boil like scalding milk. But it is working! And we have the media on our side though it appears they are on the side of the common schmuck.

I love the media as they portray themselves to care about all of the various causes, the disdain they cloak themselves in when covering a disdainful story, and their ability to stir up the masses by saturating themselves like vanilla extract poured into the ingredients of vanilla wafers and then crushed and sprinkled over vanilla flavored ice cream. How they scour at extremely rich and powerful elites such as I. Oh the shear ignorance of the lower expectational classes as they think those holding the cameras and microphones are truly on their side and providing them representation. Imagine if the lower expectational could experience the sudden brightens of a new light bulb being turned on in their simpleton and tiny craniums. How much exposure light would illuminate the fact that those holding the microphones and the cameras are more in bed with the great and elite rich ones such as myself as they continue to excrete their hypocrisy. What is in their wallets? Is not that the question asked by Capital One? It is so humorous when you see the play on words that is perpetrated to the minions. They are subliminally calling them Capital Nones (or should it be Nuns) as they suck them in to corporate enriching credit agreements that provide addictive impulse spending behavior that lines our bank accounts with the riches of some Saudi prince or king.

Yes, I am in a happier place. I wonder how Trolly is doing. I suppose we should prepare for the impending religious onslaught. Now there is a money making opportunity and a nice way to get away with things financial.

See you at the Wailing Wall or is it the Great Wal of Mart?

CD
Marketing 101 - sure sex sells, but guilt and feel good causes sell more. Join the causes and be a follower. It makes leaders rich.

A Happy Place - A Quick Lesson

Go fuck yourself you twisted tulip duster! That was the last thing she said and the last time I ever saw her. Of course today I know she never was real but the voices still reign prominently in my head. It is what keeps me burning, this never ending desire to dust tulips. I guess elitism has its costs and consequences. Some people just can not hang with greatness. So what is wrong with dusting tulips? At least I am not trying to destroy the planet by becoming a vegetarian. I mean study after study has proven scientifically that vegetarians emit 30,000 times the level of caustic gases compared to those who eat meat, poultry and fish along with vegetables. None of the founding fathers of the greatest nation on Earth were vegetarians. And all were known farters. Benjamin Franklin loved to smell his own farts. This is a known fact that was found in one of his first farmer almanacs. George Washington lied about many things but finally confessed to eating duck, cow, trout and corn husks at the same sitting. All one need look at is the simple horse and cow as an example. Both exists on a vegan diet only. Neither eat humans, nor themselves. So if we fed them cell phones and oysters maybe their phone sex lives would improve but what about the left overs? I hope this little lesson has served a purpose of guidance for those of you clamoring about below your sea level capabilities. Sure you will harp about four dollar a gallon gas, how sad your existence seems, how lonely you are, the terrible atrocities of war that is being orchestrated in the middle east, and the need to do things that are Earth friendly. Only the truly great ones, such as myself, seem to grasp that the truly Earth friendly events are those that are borne of cataclysmic deus ex machina so that we view things as they are. How else could you function in a happy place?

CD
Everything is as it appears unless you are you.

Abandonment and You

Ever feel abandoned? If you answer no to this then think again. According to a recent study by and at the AMPC (American Medical Psychologist Center), located in Drain, Oregon, those who experience feelings of abandonment perform better sexually on the job than off. In a study involving 1 undecided voters 10 percent lost their libido without trying, 20 percent perpetually humped the copier machine, and a whopping 50% screwed themselves over or out of a promotion, and the remaining 20 percent remained undecided but verbally castigated any who dared agree with them. The results are not clear as to what this means for decided voters. However, if the same undecided behaviors are transcended, with no correlation to whether one is a decided or undecided voter, then sexual polarization would be feasible. Dr. Ideebiddy Penisk clarified that just because one feels abandoned does not necessitate random reactionary anal fissure flare ups across the voting demographics, but quite the opposite. Most fissures are caused by normal intercourse between the political targets or candidates. The trajectory of this diabolical issue points straight to the facts of the study. The end result is that those with any level of abandonment mortification actually experience stronger pathological associations of jollification knowing that those who are without it are screwed up, screwed out and screwed over, just the same as they themselves are. In layman terms, no matter who gets what, in the end that is where most will take it. The rear end that is.

CD
Sure you can, but then what?