A Message From Corporate Dick's CEO

I take great pride wearing my new Corporate Dick Long Sleeve TShirt using my Corporate Dick Mousepad while enjoying my morning coffee from my Corporate Dick Coffee Mug. I feel at ease, comfortable and safe from those corporate elements that try to invade my elitist thoughts that must be manifested upon the masses. It is at this point I see the hand come around the door jam and feel for the light switch. I know as soon as it is flipped to the on position my thoughts, my critical thoughts, will shuffle amongst the turmoiling and inner chaos that surrounds CEO greatness. The hand searches the wall and finds the light switch. The click of the switch rings like a town criers yell in my mind as I realize the thoughts that will start to transcend through me and interrupt what my cranium is processing at that very moment of occurrence.

CLICK

So the ticker symbol is CEO and the current price is 156 per share with a volume of 230,000,000. Outside the weather is changing and cement is being poured somewhere at a rate equivalent to a mountain creek that forms temporarily from snow melt runoff. Inside the sauna at a health club is someone sitting in a steam room, another in a sauna, another in a hot tub and some are running on treadmills or pretending to be interested in health but only there for the social engagements that need to occur to get laid. Trolly speaks to me but my mind is moving so fast processing thoughts that I do not hear her completely. Simon the finance controller attempts to get my attention but I pay more attention to the bird that just flies by the penthouse windows here at the Corporate Dick Headquarters building. Camera light bulb flashes seem to be going off but I cannot tell and the smell of coffee reminds me to get a refill and re savor using my Executive Corporate Dick Coffee Mug. I see motion over at the light switch and my grey skin returns to its normal state. Taxes are due. The hand flips the light switch to off and my state returns to my previous manner.

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As I reach all in the critical masses they will begin to feel a joy never felt before. An inner peace that provides elation and realizations that I am the greatest CEO ever. Their funny bones will be overcome with such laughter that... I see the hand motion to the light switch. I beg inside for it to not switch to on. To no avail

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Looking out to the world through the eyes of a cow I realize I am trapped in a maze of constant chewing. A pick up truck can be heard and the morning dew on the pasture is annoying this time. Trolly speaks to me again but I still pay little attention. The conference room table seems larger than normal today but it feels good to be sitting in my Corporate Dick Chief Executive Chair. The elements of global warming are linked directly to the inversion of the rates of gender specific cancers that are prorated to undeniable positions of polarity across party lines. Coffee consumption will increase as economic times grow worse. Home values are purposely driven to perverted lows to keep the psychological impacts as large as possible. This will provide generous opportunities for the wealthy to gain more wealth, divide the social spectrum to tighter cluster groups, and ignite some tense situations that will continue to instill the false belief that the Major news media and top comedians are one and the same.

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So it is with this single thought that I hope all will enjoy the wonderful and enlightening products and entertainment that Corporate Dick Inc. provides. We will continue to strive to grow our entertainment content to greatness as our revenue streams grow. Corporate Dick is the most powerful company in the world and you know what we mean!

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Syphilis is contracted by purchasing power and investment in hedge funds that follow the money. Outsourcing jobs to fourth world countries can return enormous profits of which any female will confess, size does matter. Factors for world peace are fictitious and only utilized to institutionalize, divide and acquire, wealth, control, and political clout that enables transitional social engineering to accept things as they are. Agents of change are never what they claim to be.

CLICK

Trolly, I think I would like to go to lunch. Care to join me?

Micro Truly Lost The Soft

It is too bad that some just refuse to see the greatness I exude. I thought the gasping caesura responses were a result of all recognizing this flawless character of mine. Perhaps I am failing to reach all the worlds attention. It will come soon enough. The pugnacious lemmings at the bottom will never learn. As revenues grow, so too will market exposure. Speaking of exposure, I encountered a charging upward trend that has filled the denial deities with glee. Microlost has exposed that it has no innovative ideas internally and must therefore attack and acquire those companies that are enshrined in true intuitive creativity. As the name implies the lost should be soft. The current hostile takeover bid for Boohoo is a great example of genius leading a giant to slaughter. Doodle has completely spanked Microlost until their sweet corporate butt cheeks are redder than the impending net losses below their ankles as they embrace Boohoo like a group of retards in training. Those rosy red butt cheeks kind of remind me of Gill Skates who once said …great CEOs are out there, you just have to hide from them… circa 1254 B.C. Gill is still hiding from me.

CD
If you chase yourself you fall farther behind those chasing you. Sometimes the light shines brightest in complete darkness. Then again sometimes it only shines in total darkness. Somebody get the lights.

Small Bonus Increases for All

Since most employees, those of the lower expectation levels, the ones beneath the elite, beneath great CEOs such as myself, are voluble in most everything they attempt, it is difficult to keep the ship headed with an appropriate compass and afflatus. They brood and hibernate in the strangest of places, and many find themselves in the same place after 20, 30, or even 40 years. I have often wondered what differentiates their ilk from that of mine. Why would anyone devote the majority of their existence towards building a personal shrine within the suffocating confines of a 6 foot by 6 foot open cubicle area? Perhaps the pictures, comic strips, and other nonsense are survival tools that have been utilized since the discovery of cave men worshiping bear remains and drawing stick figures. Could it be that there is an innate disdain towards work? Certainly the Internet was a useful tool in prehistoric times. MyCave.com was probably the most popular MySpace type cave site. I should probably check in with that Geico commercial guy on this. Yes Trolly, I know, I almost suffocated wearing that tie yesterday. However, I did persuade the board to give me a lucrative bonus of 75 million. It is only 25 million larger than last year, but losses this year were in the billions instead of profits so it is well justified. I did my job and it is common sense. They know that in times of trouble CEOs need more compensation to build a more permanent dock for the ship, plus construction costs for the new addition to my mansion will cost more as prices rise. The subordinate executives need larger retention bonuses too, and the lower minions will be excited as I received board approval to give them each a 2 dollar coupon to Almostgone.com for Christmas. That will cost us a million in cash but I think it is well spent. You know, keep them happy. The board was also very impressed with my new exciting and innovative company Internet initiative. Imagine Trolly, a corporate website where management can send employees notices that they are being fired. Bodily injury and harm risks will be significantly reduced as well as medical and liability insurance costs. Damn it… I think I just wet my pants. Sometimes I get really excited over certain projects.

CD
Sometimes when I look back and reflect I see nothing.

Never Ask

When you are at your most vulnerable or embarrassing state never ask for assistance as you run the risk of letting them know you are just as stupid as they are. Never let them know you are just as lost as they are for they will recognize you as weak. Never ask the lower expectationals anything that appears they are providing you with knowledgeable information as they will sense promotional opportunity or a chance to mingle with a great figure head... What is this strange place? I feel as though I am in a box, a very confining box, as though I am being controlled and suffocated. I hear others around me. They sound just as confined and air restricted. Why am I blindfolded? If only I could get too Trolly. I smell coffee...

CD
Sometimes your cubicle is like being in Wal Mart. Not life altering but simply lifeless. Enjoy it.

A Happier Place - You Must Feel Good

True joy comes from being rich and elite. Today I am overjoyed knowing that the ruling order will begin to reclaim its just place through ostentation to the groveling lower expectational masses. The elation I, and my fellow wealthy beyond any meaningful needs friends, will feel as price hikes begin to trickle down to those who should rightly continue to whine and pay for our style of living, will pump their cash right out of their pocket books and into my numerous cash accounts. The great CEOs such as I will go unscathed yet again as lawmakers realize if they come after us the process will bear out that they were just as sinister as all of our self righteous forefathers of wealth and nation building. Hike the air fares, raise the prices across all goods and services, push the limits in all ways possible so the ones affected become numb with total financial devastation numbness. There are vast amounts of money to be made and new public relations gimmicks just waiting to be implemented. Some have been taking advantage prematurely which will cause a minor divide within the circle of the wealthy but all inside the circle know that the band wagon to jump onto is the green wagon. Oh how we will push ourselves upon the lower expectationals with the feel good fodder that we are ever searching for ways to recycle or discover new Earth friendly resources. Why we even send out letters asking them to sign up for donations on their billings to help us find these wonderful things that will prevent the universe from warming the Earth like a hot branding iron that will melt your being until your bones boil like scalding milk. But it is working! And we have the media on our side though it appears they are on the side of the common schmuck.

I love the media as they portray themselves to care about all of the various causes, the disdain they cloak themselves in when covering a disdainful story, and their ability to stir up the masses by saturating themselves like vanilla extract poured into the ingredients of vanilla wafers and then crushed and sprinkled over vanilla flavored ice cream. How they scour at extremely rich and powerful elites such as I. Oh the shear ignorance of the lower expectational classes as they think those holding the cameras and microphones are truly on their side and providing them representation. Imagine if the lower expectational could experience the sudden brightens of a new light bulb being turned on in their simpleton and tiny craniums. How much exposure light would illuminate the fact that those holding the microphones and the cameras are more in bed with the great and elite rich ones such as myself as they continue to excrete their hypocrisy. What is in their wallets? Is not that the question asked by Capital One? It is so humorous when you see the play on words that is perpetrated to the minions. They are subliminally calling them Capital Nones (or should it be Nuns) as they suck them in to corporate enriching credit agreements that provide addictive impulse spending behavior that lines our bank accounts with the riches of some Saudi prince or king.

Yes, I am in a happier place. I wonder how Trolly is doing. I suppose we should prepare for the impending religious onslaught. Now there is a money making opportunity and a nice way to get away with things financial.

See you at the Wailing Wall or is it the Great Wal of Mart?

CD
Marketing 101 - sure sex sells, but guilt and feel good causes sell more. Join the causes and be a follower. It makes leaders rich.

A Happy Place - A Quick Lesson

Go fuck yourself you twisted tulip duster! That was the last thing she said and the last time I ever saw her. Of course today I know she never was real but the voices still reign prominently in my head. It is what keeps me burning, this never ending desire to dust tulips. I guess elitism has its costs and consequences. Some people just can not hang with greatness. So what is wrong with dusting tulips? At least I am not trying to destroy the planet by becoming a vegetarian. I mean study after study has proven scientifically that vegetarians emit 30,000 times the level of caustic gases compared to those who eat meat, poultry and fish along with vegetables. None of the founding fathers of the greatest nation on Earth were vegetarians. And all were known farters. Benjamin Franklin loved to smell his own farts. This is a known fact that was found in one of his first farmer almanacs. George Washington lied about many things but finally confessed to eating duck, cow, trout and corn husks at the same sitting. All one need look at is the simple horse and cow as an example. Both exists on a vegan diet only. Neither eat humans, nor themselves. So if we fed them cell phones and oysters maybe their phone sex lives would improve but what about the left overs? I hope this little lesson has served a purpose of guidance for those of you clamoring about below your sea level capabilities. Sure you will harp about four dollar a gallon gas, how sad your existence seems, how lonely you are, the terrible atrocities of war that is being orchestrated in the middle east, and the need to do things that are Earth friendly. Only the truly great ones, such as myself, seem to grasp that the truly Earth friendly events are those that are borne of cataclysmic deus ex machina so that we view things as they are. How else could you function in a happy place?

CD
Everything is as it appears unless you are you.

Abandonment and You

Ever feel abandoned? If you answer no to this then think again. According to a recent study by and at the AMPC (American Medical Psychologist Center), located in Drain, Oregon, those who experience feelings of abandonment perform better sexually on the job than off. In a study involving 1 undecided voters 10 percent lost their libido without trying, 20 percent perpetually humped the copier machine, and a whopping 50% screwed themselves over or out of a promotion, and the remaining 20 percent remained undecided but verbally castigated any who dared agree with them. The results are not clear as to what this means for decided voters. However, if the same undecided behaviors are transcended, with no correlation to whether one is a decided or undecided voter, then sexual polarization would be feasible. Dr. Ideebiddy Penisk clarified that just because one feels abandoned does not necessitate random reactionary anal fissure flare ups across the voting demographics, but quite the opposite. Most fissures are caused by normal intercourse between the political targets or candidates. The trajectory of this diabolical issue points straight to the facts of the study. The end result is that those with any level of abandonment mortification actually experience stronger pathological associations of jollification knowing that those who are without it are screwed up, screwed out and screwed over, just the same as they themselves are. In layman terms, no matter who gets what, in the end that is where most will take it. The rear end that is.

CD
Sure you can, but then what?