The United States of Xenophobia

If you are an excellent CEO you will have an inherited, innate and hysterically orchestrated embedded core anchored in xenophobia. It comes naturally when you are naturally despised. Extrapolate that down the corporate ladder to the lowest rungs and you will see that there are variations in the constitutional elements within the masses xenophobia. At the elitist rung where I exist the xenophobia is more fear focused. That is why I wear a bullet proof vest. It is not that I am fearful of others but rather of others animosity towards me. The more animosity that exists the more I know I am doing my job. At the lower rungs, where the little people swim, dance, and scrump, the xenophobia is strongly based in both fear and hatred. This is good for the elitist rich and ruling class such as myself as it keeps things in the appropriate pecking order. If the lower masses all of a sudden realized there is strength in numbers, and juxtaposition themselves just so, the current balance of things could possibly tumble in favor of the have nots. Shh. Just think of the chaos these minions would cause simply trying to execute one simple task. Imagine them trying to determine how to distribute wealth. I can only conclude that they are at the lower echelons for a reason. If your neurons are snapping together with an understanding of what has just been presented to you then you understand what is going on in the United States of Xenophobia. Maybe you should vote for a change. Then what is mine will be yours and we can join hands and sing that sappy 1970s coca cola song ... Id like to teach the world to sing ... Trolly! Where are the vomit bags? I think I feel nauseous. By the way, everyone in that video got laid... mmmmm... Question is in what way?

CD
If you fear death wear a vest.

Predicktors

As you tumble and stumble through the bumbles and rumbles of productive worker abuse, try to remember the whimpers about all the embers that usually push through. Mind those notions to exclude the expulsions that lead to compulsions resulting in convulsions for managements revulsion that always set in motion those corporate ladder propulsions that turn to repulsions for you.

CD
Sometimes you do smell just like the excrescence that you exude. A career lesson brought to you by the babble of the rabble.

Helpful Tips From The Greatest CEO Ever

Since I am the best of the best then one of the greatest things I can do is pass along tips now and then to help the lower expectations to achieve minimal success in their corporate endeavors. Here are some simple but effective things you can do to make all of the executives achieve greatness, excessive and unwarranted bonuses that assure the masses business is being conducted as usual, and promotions that truly bring in the dough.

1. A very efficient way to challenge yourself and take advantage of a liberal sick leave policy is to mix a teaspoon, or two, of Comet or Ajax in with your coffee. Though it may add a light acrid taste to your beverage it also expedites that inevitable need for a nice relaxing day off to get a well deserved colonoscopy. Take home photos are available upon request and most corporate health plans cover the procedure. Plus, the side effects of the elixir will provide you with a few relaxing days away from the office.

2. One of the best things you can do for management and possibly your coworkers is to just shut the fuck up for the whole day (or your whole work life cycle). Why open your trap and say anything? No one wants to hear your shit anyway. Go easy on yourself and your coworkers. Surf the Internet, email stupid jokes, photos, and make new contacts on chat lines. Be sure to check with your HR department to make sure they are aware that you are doing this. This will possibly provide you with a few days away from the office but with more healthful benefits than item one above. Besides, who wants the whole organization to know you had a colonoscopy? Schmuck.

3. Another great stress reliever is to abuse your chair until one of the legs collapse. If done properly you may get extra benefits by banging your chin on the desk as you tumble to the floor. This benefits yoru coworkers too especially if you have to get your jaw wired shut. If done expertly, but only if you are located on a second or third floor, you could even make it a truly great learning experience as well as a nice time off package, and even possible entertainment for the whole office. Launch yourself down the stairs while seated in your chair while feigning you were moving the chair to a new location on the next floor down. This works best if you launch back first. The best upside on this venture is a potentially sizable payoff from workers compensation that goes beyond just medical bills. Plus, if everyone is luckier than you, you will never return to the office. You do not have to hear their drivel and they do not have to tolerate your existence. Plus you might get sympathy votes during the next hiring period. Who said the good ole boy system is dead?

4. Have kids? Exhausted? Asking yourself why did you ever think having kids would be a great thing? Finding yourself wishing you could just have a Saturday to yourself or that you could volunteer to go on a business trip without worrying about ungrateful humidgetroids? Well do not fret any longer. There are many free, or inexpensive, 24 hour, weekly, monthly, total flexible care takers available that most employees never even realize are just around the corner. It does not matter the age of your precious little societal deviants, the experiences and life lessons they can gain are invaluable. Yes, you can now tell management you are available at a moments notice. All you need to do is pull up to that shopping center, public park, or urban center and drop off the little weenies with any homeless person that has that special glean in their eyes. If they are staring up at the sky aimlessly yet holding a discussion with whatever they are looking towards the better it is for the well being of all. This is a great social program that instills self worth for the homeless person, and provides some self actualization for both kiddies and homeless that things are pretty fucking great as they are. I always looked for those with nice heavy army jackets in case the weather turned colder than anticipated.

5. Got scissors? Use them. Any location on your body will do. Take one for the team. This will help get everyone off for at least a day. Provide great office conversation. Make many feign that they are truly concerned with your meaningless existence and just might get you some sympathy gifts, if not a little bonus yourself. Plus, upper management will notice you tremendously. After all, you just got them free advertising on all the major media networks. Your famous!

I hope these few tips are spot on for what ails most. I have had to utilize each one over the years. I have to say I would not be the great CEO that I am had I not. Consider this my good deed for the month to those of you who live for lower expectations than your annual performance appraisals.

CD
Sometimes if you try really hard you can fail more and still feel good about it.

Pacifiers and Diapers

Sometimes it just transforms us. A great CEO understands how infantile and dependent the underlings can become. They can become so institutionalized that they begin to believe they have a predominant right to their job and that the employer must provide for them in all parts of their lives. I just discovered that one of our money loser divisions has still not implemented any plan to correct its course yet productive time is being spent with employees attending meetings for safety. Certainly I understand we all want to feel safe but to hold a meeting, monthly or weekly, is plain silliness. I was astounded and decided to attend one of these meetings incognito. Since Corporate Dick produces nothing at the headquarters office I could not imagine what this safety discussion could entail. I sat and listened in amazement and disgust. They were discussing healthy dinner meals, allergies for playing outside, lightning dangers when away from work, driving safely, exposure to the sun and sun screen, then they started discussing impending layoffs. Nothing had to do with safety on the job! Unbelievable time wasting folly! I asked the head of this division why this was being allowed. The response was attributed to corporate liability to prevent lawsuits. Have we lost our marbles? Should not the company counter sue for employee stupidity? How an employee chooses to live and act outside of work should not be grounds for them to blame the company for not guiding them through life. In retrospect I see costs are increasing. Maybe we should look at moving some of our operations to countries where employees live on their own. There are countries where children are more responsible for their actions than adult employees. What am I paying for? I called Trolly to set up a meeting with our lawyers. It is time to fix the wagon or is it baby strollers. Stop pandering. Perhaps pacifiers and diapers should be given to each employee.

CD

Are You Soft? Am I Soft?

I think some are getting a hard misconception from my prior posting. There is no eloquent way for me to repine. I am a fucking CEO. The elite of all Corporate Dicks. A dick to be reckoned with. A soft Corporate Dick does not exist in reality. Perhaps in the nether world of extreme ideological subconscious realms there are some soft Corporate Dicks but think not. A true Corporate Dick is hard to the core. We have fine examples everyday around us. The scary side is we also have examples of limpness. My post of yesterday that mentioned Wal-Mart was not intended to influence them towards softness in foregoing the all mighty profit motives for their pure existence. Rather the reverse. If you are not making extreme profits, no matter the means, then you are not doing your job and politics would be a better environment for you. Perhaps running for president? I once interacted with a simple employee who was acting nervous and anxious. I asked what was causing such behavior. The employee said they were building an EAC. I asked what on Earth is an EAC? The employee said it stood for Estimate at Complete and that it provided management with insight as to what everything would cost at the completion of the year. Stunned I fired the twit on the spot. I then went to find out who the employee’s supervisor was and fired them pronto. We do not complete anything in this company. It would kill our profits. I am not deficient in hardness.

CD

Keeping Them Down

Sometimes most individuals, the lesser Antilles of us all, need to be reminded of very serious and potentially harmful impacts that can occur from personal actions that could be prevented if simple remedial educational media were disseminated. I cannot stress enough so that the masses comprehend that if you light a match or cause a spark to gasoline it will ignite into a very intense event of hot burning flames. The CEO of Wal Mart should be extremely cognizant of this. Click here to understand how perilous this could be to Wal Mart profits. A good CEO would take care of their employees especially when they are already defeated and down. Just because they are lower than your own elitist superiority is no reason to posture them as an anathema with a plethora of profligating antagonism.

CD

Typical White Person

There it was. It lingered so heavily just above my head that its volume level echoed louder and louder … Typical White Person… Typical White Person… Oh the humanity! How will we ever survive!? The angry mass of seven thousand pastors, priests, reverends and rabbis forced my mouth open and stuffed it full of peanut butter. It was this old American form of torture known as peanut butter boarding. My protestations were oppressed by excessive dry boarding. It was easy to breathe as I inhaled air. I was scared knowing that I could breathe. I begged them to stop. I begged for water and each time I begged I was granted generous amounts of water. It made the peanut butter easier to swallow. I asked for some bread and I was given bread. I was falling into total darkness and could feel the rush of the nervous blood in my veins scold my brain for rational thought. Being a Typical White Person, aka TWP, makes it difficult to grasp how I could receive whatever I ask for. The seven thousand began approaching again. I screamed in protest, my mouth full of peanut butter, bread and water yet I slurped out ... how an weee ylet sluch ofendsive naime mcalling khun tin u? Visible spray flung from each disembodied word I spoke. How could this person be qualified to be a Senator let alone the next president of the United States!? Red and orange filled the back of my eyelids just as my eyes burst wide open. I stared up at the ceiling as I gathered my whereabouts. I rose, slid my feet into my Typical White Person slippers as the warmth enveloped me as I realized how good it is to be a Typical White Person. I wondered for a moment or two as I watched my elitist nanny prepare my favorite Corporate Dick coffee. What do all these white media pundits have against being called a Typical White Person? I called Trolly at the office and inquired… Trolly is there any peanut butter there at the office?

Truth hurts and denial is a beautiful thing.

CD
Change involves that which is unfamiliar. Voting for change by electing the same schmucks keeps us tightly wound into social insanity and our mouths remain full of peanut butter. Vote for water.