Mr. Mozilo's Brillo

I am extremely disappointed in the CEO of Countrywide, Mr. Angelo R. Mozilo, forfeited his paltry $37.5 million severance package. If not for Mr. Mozilo’s strong command, Bank of America would never have been provided such a sweet purchase price and opportunity to expand it’s own indulgence towards financial crises. To charge a CEO with a character of unethical greed is preposterous if not out right blasphemous. A CEO is not some low level rogue trader amassing losses of almost $ 8 billion. Mr. Mozilo, was doing the appropriate thing in showing investors that he paved a solid concrete path while setting the foundation for future capital gains and corporate growth. Just think of all the new opportunities for investors and employees that he has brought forth. It is a cowardly move to cave to criticism such as this. I thought it was a nice prepared statement but am disappointed that true grit does not exist in this fellow CEOs character. He will be admonished and his fanny snapped many times in the country club locker room this weekend. Shame!

CD

Missing Thoughts While Searching for More

I write this as I fly in my Corporate Dick Lear Jet, drinking my coffee from my elitist CEO Corporate Dick coffee mug, I think of things other than the plight of the simple masses. Now that Obama has won South Carolina we know with assured inquisitiveness that it means nothing. A comedian once told me, if you can’t see the answer when it is pointed out to you, then you never asked the right question to begin with. It is with this great antidote of ignorant insight that my mind travels today. Actually for the past two days I have gone missing. Sometimes great CEOs need to rekindle with the little people so we feel above it all. This allows us to determine the destiny of everything and make important business decisions that will ensure prosperity for a few, but under the auspice that it will benefit your children’s children through the ages. At least until we reach the end of the next fiscal quarter. I just can’t seem to find that grand slam speech that will relegate us all to a special quandary of bewildering clarity that all interstellar species possess in the business world. Martians are real. I know this now as I just finished reading the details on the “stimulus plan”. It’s like watching greatness sink into the other side’s abyss of moronic absurdity with trepidation and fear. How an entire political party can be swayed to fold itself over so double jointed that their faces can see their own rear ends is not only amazing but excitingly funny. We can’t let the masses comprehend the cold harsh reality that the agents of change are speaking the same language as Ms. Teen USA 2007 South Carolina http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WALIARHHLII&NR=1,
and that they are communicating through her to them such as and that. I think I need to remind all that they need to buy Corporate Dick products. Check with advisers to find out feasibility of being right when indecisive.

CD

Baby Doomers

Enough! What are these market analysts and media bozos doing preaching as if any baby boomer will simply be able to cash in on their investments and retire and cause enormous destruction to the economy? Why do worker bees listen to such silliness? Any decent CEO will tell you that while doing our jobs we ensured that there are two separate waves of baby boomers forthcoming. The first wave will retire in assured comfort. These are the ones who rode the yes man wave and most climbed a few rungs of the corporate ladder one of three ways. They were actually useful to the company, they knew a friend who was employed in a management position, took full advantage of the "good ole boy" process, or they provided sexual favors to those in positions of power. Executive power. Straight up heterohomosexual extreme conservative religious right wing executive level power. Twisted mutations that branded CEOs with a stereotype of being equivalent to limp wrist milk toast Sally boys. These are just intolerable malicious slander. Either way, these are the ways in which the first wave of baby boomers were able to reach retirement nirvana, provided your new agents of change don't change the laws to redistribute that wealth to younger generations that are trying to avoid work place exploitation through conspicuous socialized communism tactics. That is a separate topic. Fear not America and especially those in the business and financial markets. The second wave of baby boomers were exploited like a rape victim that couldn't find any escape from assault. We implemented organizational flattening and removed many top level positions that forced lay offs and retraining programs to ensure those ranks were reoriented towards mental acceptance of low expectations. Then we introduced new lean concepts, sick sigma, happy feel good paper certificate awards, trust and team building seminars, increased housing prices, school tuition, oil prices, property taxes, local taxes, sales taxes, subliminal federal taxes, insurance prices via the sky is falling hysteria tactics, and we intentionally provided the impetus for out of control spending to ensure these baby boomers also consumed vast levels of debt. From all of this we bent these poor suckers over and never even offered them barrels of Vaseline to ease the pain. It didn't matter as they've been so busy hoping they don't lose their jobs that they never even notice the reductions in benefits each year when we announce new and exciting changes are coming. To keep them divided we introduced political correctness and sensitivity training so they would be sensitized to the correct political protocol to use when addressing great CEOs.

How could anyone possibly think baby boomers will be retiring? They are going to be a very cheap and exploitable resource to every business wanting cheap labor.

CD

Bleeding Hearts

I am very concerned. There are rumblings coming from fellow CEOs in the insurance industry mulling over the thought of providing fair and affordable insurance rates to homeowners. This is purely preposterous and outright destruction of decent corporate profit maximization. One cannot simply lower premiums. How could any self serving CEO conjure up such a non-capitalistic notion of enterprise. Clearly delusion is involved. Consumers need to be assured that they will always need to worry if they will be able to keep their homes so other industries can exploit their labor for a fair and cheap price. This allows unions to prosper at the executive levels as they feign abhorring disappointment over outsourcing of labor to third world countries where fair labor practices are allowed and not demanded. I suppose the great CEOs, such as me, who have controlled all aspects of our endeavors to line our personal bank accounts to great wealth, always knew that someday a bad apple would lend an ear to a whining consumer and develop a bleeding heart. I thought if one formed a bleeding heart they would either require immediate surgery or die on the spot. Why is this not happening? We cannot afford to have the majority of consumers begin to grasp the concept that insurance premiums are as folly as current gas prices. This will destroy the economy.

CD

Martin Luther King - A Great CEO

As I sit here drinking my green tea discussing with one of my top advisers the benefits derived by taking the day off to celebrate Martin Luther King's memory I find compulsion to pause and clarify. Mr. King should be celebrated for possessing all of the great qualities found in the best CEOs. Great CEOs see the larger picture that encompasses growing his own self interest and the self interests of those he represents. However, what must be pointed out is that great CEOs innately go further by understanding that they have to look beyond the boundaries of there own industry, social strata, personal well being and that of their immediate families. What is important is that we comprehend what Mr. King did up to the point of his untimely career ending moment. Mr. King understood the need to stay true to his beliefs and dreams no matter the consequence. Perhaps he too understood the consequences that would come from his death. It is unfortunate that Mr. King was not afforded the non-violence behavior he so earnestly preached, lived and died for. It is even more unfortunate that we now have to be bombarded on his day with other CEO wannabes speeches of insincerity and unabashed self perpetuation of non-benevolence. Why can't we show respect to the memory of a great and fallen CEO.

CD

Babble On

As we boldly move to a real time Bill Maher society that depends on diaper rash statements to bid "feel good" audience applause, to make ratings that justify air time, in lieu of sensibilities that all CEOs possess, let us bow our heads in shame as we continue forth in pitiful laughter, that is, and remains forthcoming, from the pundits we find running for the replacement of the second greatest CEO of all time. Through mush and sludge of hilarity, as we ponder how, or what kind of new stains will avail themselves to us, we will all find in the end that a stain is just a stain, and a politician just a politician. Being the most powerful CEO of all time can, at times, cause one to not see the microcosmic view that the media midgets utilize daily. Rodeo clowns have to work too. This is why the little people understand the greatness of a Jihad fearing christian versus a Jihad fearing atheist. They grasp that CEOs love money and so do Christians and atheists. Agnostics too. Sometimes the snow melts while you are making cotton candy.

CD

Stimulus

Ah, now perhaps you will see how G. W. Bush is the second greatest CEO next to me. GW understands the game. You always come to the rescue of CEOs who get into dire straits. CEOs should never be admonished or told they have done a bad job. It’s not the CEOs fault that the minions don’t accept full responsibility for their personal plight. Just because something is shown on television doesn’t mean everyone has to aspire to mock it. There is nothing more pathetic than a desperate CEO trying to look like a desperate housewife. Keep in mind that the markets are very similar to desperate housewives, and CEOs need to respond accordingly to both good and bad markets, the same as they respond to good and bad desperate housewives. Markets at least provide interest whether they are good or bad. Desperate housewives, whether good or bad, will only return losses. This has been known since the beginning of gender bias. G. W. Bush knows this rudimentary issue. So with this in mind we see that a plan is being set forth to try to stimulate desperate housewives into shopping frenzies. The key question is will we be able to embed desperate housewives into market interest returns as was done with news analysts in the invasion of Iraq that we won? Will the second greatest CEO of all time, G. W. Bush, be landing on another aircraft carrier declaring the stimulation is working, or will he inform us that a divorce between non-married same sex couples will be allowed and indoctrinated as an amendment to our constitution? Party at Ted Kennedy’s tonight!!

CD