Leaders

There are two kinds of leaders. Leaders that lead and leaders that follow. CEOs have to be both depending on which situation at the moment covers their actions in the most appropriate manner. CEOs without this critical talent will fail at most everything they do and don’t do. You cannot be here and there at different times. You must be ever present. It is this simple, yet valuable and fundamental requirement, that allow the corporation that the CEO is in charge of, to survive and operate smoothly even in severe times of dysfunction. There is nothing tantamount to chaotic rationality. CEOs would rather surround themselves with money laundering smugglers with MBAs than safety net huggers. Those who grasp what I, the most powerful CEO of all time, am stating here will “get it” and rise to the upper echelons of something in their own mind. Those who don’t will falter into a simple role of employee, and most likely end up with a nice retirement nest egg. CEOs, however, live life to the fullest extent that is not possible. Remember, it’s the little things that leak.

CD

Courts Act in Favor of CEOs

I am extremely happy with the courts ruling today that basically tell pesky whiny shareholders to bug off should they discover that they were defrauded. CEOs, their companies, and their associates cannot be bothered by shareholder lawsuits that perpetuate bad returns and longstanding clouds of gloom over what should only be touted as glorious enterprises. Until shareholders realize their loss is good for the economy because someone benefited from their loss, the economy will continue to falter and spin into liberal chaos. Retribution is pure silliness. That is why Al Gore would never have made a good CEO. Such a cry baby. CEOs have been taking it on the chin under the double standard long enough. Hate us as you wish, but don't try to make us pay for providing you the ability to hate us. The courts have spoken for the people and the people prefer Wall Street and business be treated more fairly than shareholders. After all it's the company that makes the shareholders. Let's not forget who butters our bread and who drinks the better wine.

CD

Corporate Governance? Oh My God...

I suspect that most are anticipating my abhorrence to today's Journal Report in the Wall Street Journal regarding corporate governance. How could anyone expect a CEO, a real CEO, to react any differently?! Mr. Kilts is simply sugarcoating himself to the reading audience with his blabber about telling the truth! CEOs can't simply act like some benevolent socially responsible citizen. There are profits to be made not destroyed! Everyone expects CEOs to exude that elitist sleaze aspect. How can you not entrust yourself to such limits? Just because a couple bad apples got caught doesn't mean any of us are good and need new laws like Sarbanes-Oxley, which is one of the most retarded pieces of legislation that just impacts strong corporate stewardship and diminishes profits. If it weren't for this legislation, the market would have ferreted out the other weak competition, and more companies would have fallen earlier than the now prevalent financial havoc that is creating new and exciting opportunities. CEOs need to be left alone so we can act inappropriately and feel like smiling more. The last thing CEOs need to be is held accountable to the members of the board, or anyone except the immediate materialistic, alcohol, drug and sexual gratification needs of the moment. CEOs have vast and serious responsibilities to their wives future alimony, and to their mistresses automobile and condo payments. CEOs also have significant duties and obligations to ensure that any and all of their children are physically, emotionally and mentally unstable to the maximum so they can attend the finest schools, and someday hold the important positions that direct this great nation, and its businesses, to absolute and positive destruction. How else can anything get done without these simple complex and dishonest attributes? Remember it's all about me, the CEO, and profits. So why harp and whine about corporate governance? It's a non-issue.

CD

Termination Tip

When terminating an employee, treat them with respect. Don't treat them differently or try to handle them with kid gloves. Admonish and talk down loudly to them using short simple sentences. They should be treated no differently than any other day. Each day is special. Keep it that way. It builds character and allows the employee to leave with dignity, and feel as though they are still part of the team.

CD

Corporate Ettiquette

It is proper corporate etiquette to bad mouth a CEO behind their back, but to boldly belittle them to their face is cowardly. I will not tolerate this disrespectful and insubordinate behavior! This type of scandalous behavior, especially while Ms. Cooper is wearing sexy reading glasses, is nothing but tantamount to outright corporate treason! Shame! How will I ever sleep alone again?

Urgent Reminder for Critical Focus

We need to continue searching for new renewable fossil fuels that will return the best marginal returns per employee mouse click. This is needed to ensure we remain competitive and retrospective while forging our corporate values into powerful environmentally friendly allies within nature to ensure the most naturally efficient rising organic profits any conceivable entity would strive for in a free and capitalistic market of commerce.

CD

Maybe

So sorry that this critical message is so short today. I, the most powerful CEO in all the world, am on a crisis matter of such great proportion that it has me pondering the span of control that never existed when it did. Maybe I have been doing something so right that it is wrong. Maybe by instituting, no instilling, high corporate values, streamlined integration of seamless possibilities intertwined with nimble mindedness, and the keen foresight of problematic technological empowerment, I have gotten something slightly non-correct. We have to answer one of the most strategic questions facing business today. Will problems be identified when they arise before we identify them? Nah, I think things are on an appropriate course. Good CEOs diligently glean over the horizon towards where their ship is heading, while sailing smoothly in a steady strong dead calm with no wind. When anchored.

CD