Monkey do as Monkey sees... What a ceremonious event.
CD
Sometimes you have to poop
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Whats In Your Wallet?
Sure the sky is falling. All the media pun-dents are screaming, if not outright demanding, for a complete stock market melt down. They scurry out to the street corners like prostitutes gaming their johns but the lure resides in their corporate logos, cameras, microphones and celebrity. Delivering you the gloom and doom with a glorious blond bombshells sensual smile. As you delve into their devilries of delirium that the worst depression since the Great Depression is around the corner, let us keep some sensibilities and review why the Great Depression will not recur.
Cigarette smoking was the norm in the days of the Great Depression. There were no thoughts of going green except marijuana was also still legal to use per se (though the push to make illegal was in process at the time). A vegetarian was usually a word that was misheard in lieu of the like sounding word veterinarian with no further thought other than a snicker. Alaska and Hawaii were not even states and this has a significant economic impact to the current economic state. Hawaii lured Baywatch from California, and Alaska has provided lots of moose and grizzly bears to our now vast national and global economy.
Many other things were different back then. Small differences like no televisions, many still had no indoor bathrooms nor electricity. Neanderthal man was just starting to become extinct. NASA did not exist which means the moon did not exist back then either. Another key element is that many parents did not even exist then.
So as you start to panic and be overcome with dread, simply realize we are almost a no smoking nation today. We are extremely conscious about green things other than money such as saving trees in lieu of jobs or getting marijuana legalized. Most importantly we have gained much wisdom and now realize that monkeys can lead us to Great Derision in 2008. Of course you could go home for the Jewish holidays.
CD
Sometimes its only money.
Cigarette smoking was the norm in the days of the Great Depression. There were no thoughts of going green except marijuana was also still legal to use per se (though the push to make illegal was in process at the time). A vegetarian was usually a word that was misheard in lieu of the like sounding word veterinarian with no further thought other than a snicker. Alaska and Hawaii were not even states and this has a significant economic impact to the current economic state. Hawaii lured Baywatch from California, and Alaska has provided lots of moose and grizzly bears to our now vast national and global economy.
Many other things were different back then. Small differences like no televisions, many still had no indoor bathrooms nor electricity. Neanderthal man was just starting to become extinct. NASA did not exist which means the moon did not exist back then either. Another key element is that many parents did not even exist then.
So as you start to panic and be overcome with dread, simply realize we are almost a no smoking nation today. We are extremely conscious about green things other than money such as saving trees in lieu of jobs or getting marijuana legalized. Most importantly we have gained much wisdom and now realize that monkeys can lead us to Great Derision in 2008. Of course you could go home for the Jewish holidays.
CD
Sometimes its only money.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Ahoy! Them Thar Pirates Be!
What is the difference between citizens being held hostage to a tyrannical government gone amuck and hooligans kidnapping an oil tanker on the open seas off the horn of Africa and holding it for a 20 million ransom? Apparently there have been variations in the meaning of the term booty. Pen to paper as sword or gun to vessel captain shows the differnce to be around 699,980,000,000 (thats billion). So whose going to notice that bootyful bounty of oil enriched 20 million handsome ransom on the open seas off the horn of Africa? Not me.
CD
Sometimes all you can do is pee.
CD
Sometimes all you can do is pee.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Failout 2008
What to do? What is happening? Is there a major financial crisis? What is WAMU? What does this mean for me and will this stop english? Can my business meet its payroll? Should I care about rich people? Should I care about poor people? Will Sarah Palin feel my pain the same way that Joe Biden feels his pain? Is Sarah Palin richer than Barack Obama? How has this economic crisis impacted McCain, Obama, Biden, Palin, the Bush clan, the Clintons, the rest of the senate and congress? Whose to blame for my problems?
Do not fret. Corporate Dick is writing a book to answer all of these questions and more. More questions like
Who the fuck is Ahmahdenajad and how do you spell that pricks name?
Where is Iran and why does it exist?
Do all muslims fart?
Do all christians fart?
If both muslims and christians fart why is there friction?
Who can breathe in the economy?
Will anti-abortionists legalize marijuana?
How the fuck do you spell amahdenajad?
Should the United States consume Mexico through eminent domain sterilization?
Who in the house of representatives have had their nuts snipped?
Will Emily turn gay?
CD
Sometimes when you think about it you feel hungry.
Do not fret. Corporate Dick is writing a book to answer all of these questions and more. More questions like
Who the fuck is Ahmahdenajad and how do you spell that pricks name?
Where is Iran and why does it exist?
Do all muslims fart?
Do all christians fart?
If both muslims and christians fart why is there friction?
Who can breathe in the economy?
Will anti-abortionists legalize marijuana?
How the fuck do you spell amahdenajad?
Should the United States consume Mexico through eminent domain sterilization?
Who in the house of representatives have had their nuts snipped?
Will Emily turn gay?
CD
Sometimes when you think about it you feel hungry.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Monday, June 23, 2008
Critical Thought (CT) 1
CT 1
Every now and then you can't see a difference of indifference.
Monday behavior predictor
Males - your pants are unzipped
Females - your cell phone batteries are low
All others - remain seated
CD
Every now and then you can't see a difference of indifference.
Monday behavior predictor
Males - your pants are unzipped
Females - your cell phone batteries are low
All others - remain seated
CD
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Where Leaders Do Not Exist
Trolly I cannot find the light switch on my own. Somehow I have been defenestrated to a netherworld of incomprehensible tolerance. I find this to be intolerable when the tolerance levels have breached the threshold that then requires intolerance. Cheers to the West. I appeared inside a Shell gas station and found my beer of choice. Nothing better than a good India Pale Ale for the bitter hopped job of delegation. I took one out of the six pack and proceeded to the counter. I looked at the attendant and inquired if there were any pet friendly hotels around. He replied in a manner truly befitting a stoned Tommy Chong ... uh I don't know I never stay at them... to which I replied ... neither do I... the attendant was now partially confused and hesitantly continued to ring up my bottle of beer. It was as if he was trying to remember something. Just as he was bagging the bottle, while the charge processed through the electronic retail system of credit tolerance, he stopped and in another gracious stoned stupor approximating stuttering he stated ... uh we cant sell this beer by the bottle... I paused and briefly stared at him with the intellect befitting a third grader mentality and replied ...Why? This completely baffled him and I knew we would remain frozen in time unless great leadership was implemented immediately. I stated ... okay... and rushed back to the beer section and grabbed the six pack from which I had taken the one bottle and returned to the counter. I informed the challenged youth to take the simple path and ring up the six pack. The charge processed and as he started to draw a bag to place the six pack in I grabbed my bottle and said ... keep the rest I just want the one bottle... the stoner was paralyzed and unable to comprehend what actions this would require him to do... It was out of my hands. Leadership was defenestrated with my departing. Now to find sleeping quarters without anyone knowing they are serving the greatest CEO of all time... The pets have become a great disguise of liberal concern for all humanity as I witness pure gluttony all around me. I pull into a Travel Lodge Inn... Ah... a tavern of possible future consequence...
CD
Sometimes leaving is safer than staying put.
CD
Sometimes leaving is safer than staying put.
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